Maternity – A Different Side of Robert Service

Name: Alaska.org
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Buckwheat’s Introduction to Maternity

"People are always asking, ‘What do you do in the winter?’ Well, you do a lot of things to get by. When I first moved to Alaska, one of the things I did was tutor algebra and geometry to high school students."

"There was this one kid I worked with, and things just weren’t clicking. I’d go over to his house, or he’d come to mine, and we’d go through theorems, proofs—you name it. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get him interested in geometry."

"Then one night, when he walked into my house, I said, ‘Okay, man, throw away the geometry books tonight.’ And you should’ve seen his face—he lit up, thinking he was off the hook. But then I said, ‘We’re going to do some poetry.’ And just like that, his face dropped again. Because for a high school kid, the only thing worse than math is poetry."

"What he didn’t know was I had a plan. I wanted to get him into geometry, but I needed to take a different route. So I picked this next piece for him. It’s called Maternity, and if you listen closely, you’ll see why."

Maternity

There once was a Square, such a square little Square,
And he loved a trim Triangle;
But she was a flirt and around her skirt
Vainly she made him dangle.
Oh he wanted to wed and he had no dread
Of domestic woes and wrangles;
For he thought that his fate was to procreate
Cute little Squares and Triangles.

Now it happened one day on that geometric way
There swaggered a big bold Cube,
With a haughty stare and he made that Square
Have the air of a perfect boob;
To his solid spell the Triangle fell,
And she thrilled with love’s sweet sickness,
For she took delight in his breadth and height—
But how she adored his thickness!

So that poor little Square just died of despair,
For his love he could not strangle;
While the bold Cube led to the bridal bed
That cute and acute Triangle.
The Square’s sad lot she has long forgot,
And his passionate pretensions ...
For she dotes on her kids—Oh such cute Pyramids
In a world of three dimensions.